Relationships are rarely easy, but sometimes relationships can become incredibly difficult. Over the years this has been one of my biggest challenges, especially at times with others I have worked with. God made us to live in relationship both with Him and with each other. There is so much good to be gained from relating well to others, and yet, when things become strained, these same relationships can be the cause of much heartache!

When God told Saul that He was going to take the Kingdom away from him, we learned that God was seeking men and women after his own heart (13:14). Right from the get-go we see that David was such a person. During the first half of his life he develops deep foundations upon his relationship with God (1 Sam 16-30). One great example of this for David arises out of his difficult relationship with King Saul. We all have these kinds of challenging relationships, but the way that we handle them reveals what is in our hearts. The way that David handles his relationship with King Saul reveals much about what is in his heart. Their relationship actually starts out pretty well, but then Saul becomes jealous of him. Look at these words in 1 Sam 18:

⁷As they danced, they sang: Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands. ⁸Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. They have credited David with tens of thousands, he thought, but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom? ⁹And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David. ¹⁰The next day an evil spirit from God came forcefully upon Saul. He was prophesying in his house, while David was playing the harp, as he usually did. Saul had a spear in his hand.

1 Samuel 18:7-10

In that moment, when Saul started comparing himself to David, he opened a door that he could never close. Satan is always looking for a way into our lives, and unhealthy relationships give him a foothold from which to work. With Saul he sought to induce jealousy and envy in his heart. But, while bitterness did eventually destroy Saul, that was not the case with David.

One of the most challenging passages on David’s relationship with Saul is in 1 Samuel 26. It’s where David and Abishai go down into Saul’s camp in the valley. Saul has been chasing David all over the desert. Saul’s army is camped in the valley while David’s army are camped in the hills. Saul is unaware how close David’s army really is to his camp. The smart thing for David to do was to head 100miles in the other direction! However, David (along with Abishai), chooses to go to Saul’s camp by night:

⁷So David and Abishai went to the army by night, and there was Saul, lying asleep inside the camp with his spear stuck in the ground near his head. Abner and the soldiers were lying round him. ⁸Abishai said to David, Today God has given your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of my spear; I won’t strike him twice. Abishai thought the reason they had crept down into Saul’s camp was to kill him but what was David’s intention? ⁹But David said to Abishai, Don’t destroy him! Who can lay a hand on the LORD’s anointed and be guiltless? ¹⁰As surely as the LORD lives, he said, the LORD himself will strike him; either his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. ¹¹But the LORD forbid that I should lay a hand on the LORD’s anointed…

1 Samuel 26:7-11

Abishai is eager to take the opportunity to take out the King. It seems that’s what he thought they were there for, but David’s motivation is very different. Take a moment to reread those verses and notice just how many times David talks about the LORD. David’s attitude and relationship with Saul was dominated by his knowledge of and relationship with God. This was the same approach he had taken with Goliath – the things that he knew about God dominate both accounts from start to finish!

Continuing with the story and David tells Abishai that they should take Saul’s spear, water jug and leave. No-one was even aware they were there because God had put them into a deep sleep. Once again, God had gone before David and they were able to get in, get out and reach safety at the top of the hill a little way away. Then David called out to Abner and asked him why he hadn’t guarded the King. He said that someone (presumably Abishai), had come to to destroy the King. Then he humorously asks where the Kings spear and water jug were! Abner and his men had failed in their task to protect the King. Then Saul speaks up:

¹⁷…Is that your voice, David my son? David replied, Yes it is, my lord the king. ¹⁸And he added, Why is my lord pursuing his servant? What have I done, and what wrong am I guilty of? ¹⁹Now let my lord the king listen to his servant’s words. If the LORD has incited you against me, then may he accept an offering. If, however, men have done it, may they be cursed before the LORD! They have now driven me from my share in the LORD’s inheritance and have said, ‘Go, serve other gods.’ ²⁰Now do not let my blood fall to the ground far from the presence of the LORD. The king of Israel has come out to look for a flea— as one hunts a partridge in the mountains. ²¹Then Saul said, I have sinned. Come back, David my son. Because you considered my life precious today, I will not try to harm you again. Surely I have acted like a fool and have erred greatly.

David rightly asks Saul what he was guilty of. Surely he had indeed served Saul faithfully? He also pokes fun at Saul who he said had come out looking for a flee as one hunts a partridge in the mountains. Then we see a more sorrowful Saul who admits his sin and asks David to come back with him. David returns Saul’s spear and speaks of how the Lord rewards righteousness and faithfulness. He asks God to deliver him from all trouble. But he doesn’t go with Saul and in fact in chapter 27 we read that he flees to the land of the Philistines having concluded that one day he would be destroyed by Saul.

²³The LORD rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness. The LORD gave you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on the LORD’s anointed. ²⁴As surely as I valued your life today, so may the LORD value my life and deliver me from all trouble. ²⁵Then Saul said to David, May you be blessed, my son David; you will do great things and surely triumph. So David went on his way, and Saul returned home.

So what was David doing in this strange encounter? Even amidst all David had suffered at the hand of Saul; his hearts desire was to be reconciled to Saul. David had gone to great lengths to demonstrate that he wasn’t trying to harm Saul. These actions arose from David’s deep understanding of what God required of him in his relationships. His relationship with Saul reflected his understanding of God, just as Saul’s relationship with David, reflected his lack of understanding of God. What about us? How do we deal with difficult relationships? We need to deal with difficult relationships very seriously, seeking reconciliation.

David writes about his relationship with Saul in a number of his Psalms. His relationship with God was the only appropriate place for him to air his grievances. David felt free to tell God about what he thought about Saul, but it did not go any further. The way he does so is quite an inspiration! Look for example at Psalm 59 which says it was written at the time when Saul had sent men to watch David’s house in order to kill him. In it David asks God for deliverance and to punish the wicked. He finishes the Psalm by expressing his firm belief that God was his strength, his fortress and refuge.

¹ Deliver me from my enemies, O God; be my fortress against those who are attacking me. ² Deliver me from evildoers and save me from those who are after my blood. ³ See how they lie in wait for me! Fierce men conspire against me for no offense or sin of mine, Lord. ⁴ I have done no wrong, yet they are ready to attack me. Arise to help me; look on my plight! … ¹⁶ But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. ¹⁷ You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.

Psalm 59:1-4, 16-17

In summary, what we are seeing with David is that there was something quite special about his relationship with God. It allows him to be a man after God’s own heart in his relationships, even the difficult ones. David had spent at least 10 years on the run from Saul. He had risked his life, his family had left their country and people had been killed. This was no small thing that Saul had done to David and yet he was able to take it to God and respond in a godly way. Walking closely with God is the key to dealing with difficult relationships well. While we cannot control the way other people act towards us, we can control the way that we respond accordingly. What a challenge from the life of a man who really was a man after God’s own heart!

Cover Photo by jean wimmerlin on Unsplash